


Jealousy

by HelenaHelena



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: F/M, Getting Together, Jealousy, Not Beta Read, Romance, Sex, awkward!Burnham
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-07-27 03:55:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20039518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelenaHelena/pseuds/HelenaHelena
Summary: Michael Burnham is sure that captain Pike is having a relationship with ensign Tilly. Captain Pike is sure that Michael Burnham is having relationship issues with Specialist Ash Tyler. Well, neither of them are correct.“Sudden unwelcome images filled her head. Images of the captain in her quarters. Images of the captain pushing ensign Tilly against the wall, and… Michael stopped herself from going there. This was a highly illogical to even consider, and not to mention an unproductive line of thoughts.”





	1. Jealousy

**Author's Note:**

> Before reading: I am not an native English speaker, which means that I do make linguistic mistakes. This work is also un-betaed. If you are not okay with that, please do not read.

Michael was tired after a long shift, she had covered the gamma shift. But since she was usually on alpha shift this turned out to be a difficult adjustment. As she exited the turbo lift she almost can into the Captain, “Captain,” “Burnham” He barely seemed to notice her, and was apparently in a hurry. Which didn’t surprise her, as he was supposed to cover alpha shift together with commander Saru, and he was wearing casual clothes.

Her eyes lingered at the turbo lift door a little longer than she cared to think about. For a moment longer, she almost bumped into Tilly, “Oh hi, sorry didn’t see you there.” She was only now securing her uniform jacket.

“Tilly.” Michael said stiffly. “I was just… “She was making gestures. “Going to your shift?” Michael continued. That was odd, Michael thought; even for Tilly, that was odd. She entered their shared quarters and began to unzip her jacket. Tilly side was messy as always. She sighed and stopped to unzip her jacket… it smelled like him. On Vulcan everything had been so odorless. This was because Vulcan females were being extremely sensitive to smell. This part of her upbringing, had meant she had developed a sensitivity to smell as well. The smells had been so different after she entered Starfleet and everywhere else.

She could recognize his presence anywhere, it was a pleasant kind of smell, masculine and very much him. That was strange. There was no logical reason why the captain would visit ensign Tilly during gamma shift. Michael flushed red. Or maybe there was.

Sudden unwelcome images filled her head. Images of the captain being naked in her quarters. Images of the captain pushing ensign Tilly against the wall, and… Michael stopped herself from going there. This was a highly illogical to even consider, and not to mention an unproductive line of thoughts.

There was probably some completely legitimate and logical reason why the captain had visited Tilly. Maybe it was to discuss something with her command track, it could also have been to discuss laboratory arrangements or something else Tilly might have needed help with. The problem was that currently Michael could find absolutely nothing that was as plausible than that the captain and ensign Tilly were having an affair.

Michael decided to go to bed.

————

If Michael had hoped that it would get better when Tilly got back from her shift and Michael had had the chance to catch up on some sleep, then she was sorely mistaken.

“… and then the captain complimented my report on room allocations, can you believe it… and … told me that…” Michael was feeling claustrophobic, frantically thinking on how she could get Tilly to stop talking about the captain.

“Could we go out?” Michael interrupted her. “What?” Tilly asked dumb folded and stopped mid explanation why captain Pike was the most awesome person in the galaxy. “What, you mean for an early dinner?” Tilly asked. “You never go out early.” Tilly eyed her suspiciously. “Is something wrong?” Michael shock her head. “No, no, but since we are on different shifts this week, I thought we could use some time in the mess.” Tilly sat up in her bed, eyeing Michael again, like if she was on to her. “There is something on your mind, every time you ask something like this there is always something going on.”

But before Tilly could come up with some far-fetched conspiracy theory, or even worse, one that wasn’t far-fetched, she was dragged out the door. 

The mess was not full at this time, but clusters of people were enjoying the view of the stars. Somewhere also having early dinners.

————

“So, what is on your mind?” Tilly asked, looking around. “Why was captain Pike in our quarters this morning?” Michael tried to make it sound casual. Tilly took a bite of her sandwich; her eyes seemed a bit shifty.

It was strange this was none of Michael’s business, but this strange feeling she had was not going away. “He needed to give me the duty roster to look at before the alpha shift debriefing.” Tilly said effortless. That did sound plausible, but somehow that tingling under Michael’s skin did not go away.

————

The next morning when her shift ended, it was the captain himself that relieved her and not commander Saru as it had been the day before. “Captain.” She greeted and stood up before he took the chair. “Commander Burnham,” He nodded and gave her a half smile. He looked tired, as if he hadn’t slept.

Tilly on the other hand was still making her bed when Michael arrived. “Good morning.” Tilly greeted. She looked sort of happy, but just as tired as the captain. And there it was again, it was that smell that was unmistakably the captain.

There was no denying the obvious, Tilly was definitely having an affair with the captain. Michael felt it like if a sword pierced through her heart.

She tried to ration, that is was because it was a problematic affair to say the least. Tilly was twenty years younger than the captain. And the captain, well he was there temporarily, and well. Tilly was definitely going to get her heart crushed. She was obviously in love with him, and he was the kind of person who would sacrifice everything for his career and for Starfleet.

But the more Michael tried to justify her own reluctance, the more she realized that that wasn’t it. 

She didn’t bother asking whether the captain had been in their quarters today. He obviously had. And as someone who valued her own privacy, she could understand that need in others.

“Am I seeing you later at the party?” Tilly asked, she seemed happy. Michael had completely forgotten about the party. The captain had been actually encouraged them to have it.

Michael didn’t feel like going, “ahmm, maybe” She nodded, while pulling her uniform jacket of and taking on her sleepwear.

“The captain even said he was coming.” Tilly said, just before leaving. Michael had been thinking that Tilly would be late for her shift. Now she was thinking that she didn’t really feel like going to that party.


	2. Party Party

“Michael, you can’t go in your uniform” “But my shift begins already at 2300. So, it will be easier if I doesn't have to change.” “So, you can go back and change. What about that one there?” Tilly was showing a jade green dress in front of her. 

“Absolutely not. That does not fit the occasion.” She could also go naked. “Come on, you need to lighten up.” Tilly applied more makeup. “Just go with the dress, you'll look nice in it.” Michael ended with going in her uniform, she needed to be on the bridge at 2300 after all.

————

They were some of the first to arrive. Tilly waved at Detmer and Owo. “I have the first shift behind the bar. Just try to have fun.” Michael huffed and looked around. Detmer and Owo appeared to have found a table near the bar, and had already gotten something to drink. Michael got a nonalcoholic beverage and sat down next to them.

An hour into the party, the captain showed up. He was not wearing his uniform, but a casual dark shirt. He went straight to be bar to greet Tilly. Michael could not make out what they were saying because of the music, but he gave her an appreciate nod and said something that made her giggle.

Michael felt flustered, turning her attention towards Detmer and Owo. As she was not that experienced in human exchange and dating patterns, she would have liked to ask Owo or Detmer about what they thought of Tilly’s affair with the captain. But as asking could easily start a rumor based purely in speculation, and that wouldn’t be fair to neither the captain nor Tilly.

Michael was so focused on the exchange in the bar that she had not seen Ash placing himself next to her. She made her best effort to smile, “Michael,” He said eagerly. “Would you like to dance?” It was such a normal request that she had nothing to say, no words to refuse him. She nodded, as he let her to the dance floor. “Michael, I …” He said. She really didn’t need to discuss feelings with him right now. It was so complicated. “Don’t, Ash, let us just dance.” She said tired. Suddenly realized that the captain was no longer standing in the bar. She looked around for him. “Is something wrong?” Ash asked. “No, no, of course not.” She looked Ash in the eyes and gave him a strained smile.

Then she eyed the captain, he was also on the dance floor and he was dancing with one of the chiefs from engineering. Suddenly Michael felt bad for Tilly. Michael looked towards the bar, and wondering whether Tilly would be okay with this. But she failed to gain eye contact with Tilly to ascertain whether this made any emotional impact to her friend.

The captain looked indeed handsome dancing. He was tall, and his gray hair was perfectly styled, and the way his dark shirt revealed just enough of his muscle tone.

“Michael?” Ash tore her back to reality. “Are you listening?” She wasn’t listening. “I am sorry, Ash, I just don’t feel like it tonight.” And by that she just left a dumbfounded Ash Tyler on the dance floor. Without looking back, for some reason tears were pouring down her face.

She used to have more emotional control; at least that was how she remembered it. But of course, her brother Spock usually said something different. Maybe he was right. She certainly did not presently have control of her emotions.

————

"Did the captain really say that to Tyler?” The ensign said. “Yeah, and then Taylor left.” Michael knew she shouldn’t be listening, but she couldn’t help himself. “Oh my god, I would have loved seeing that,” “He really doesn’t like Tyler.” “He likes everybody. And have you seen his ass in those uniform pants, I would have loved seeing him in ...”

They really shouldn’t be gossiping. “Back to your stations, ensigns,” Michael barked and the ensigns quickly broke up their chatter. Michael breathed out, she needing a moment to regain her composure.

Michael placed herself back on the command chair. She was still looking at the two ensigns. They appeared to make themselves look busy. It didn't help on Michael's mood that the party probably still was going on in the mess. The captain might even still be there. She wondered what the captain and Tyler had had a controversy over.

The shift went quietly as Gamma shift often did. Saru relieved her at 6.55 exactly. “Good morning, Burnham.” He greeted, sounding happy. “So, did you miss last night's party?” He said. “I was there for brief time. You?” “I too was there shortly, commander.” Saru said pleasantly. “Sleep well, commander.” He said as he sat down in the chair.

————

Michael slipped in to her quarters, hoping she wouldn’t wake Tilly up. But by the way Tilly was snoring, there was little chance of that. Tilly had been clever enough to swap her shift to the beta shift. Michael was faintly relieved that Tilly was alone in their quarters, with no signs of the captain, only a smell of alcohol. That probably came from Tilly's expiration.

Tilly woke her up by just after noon, “Umf, I should drink less.” She said and went to the bathroom for something to drink. Tilly always tended to miscalculate the amount of alcohol that would be the threshold to obtaining an ethanol poisoning.

“Did you have a pleasant party?” Michael asked when Tilly got back. “You left early!” Tilly looked like she suddenly can to a realization. “I had to go to my shift.” Michael said defensive. “Two hours before it started.” “I like to be in good time.” Tilly made eyes towards her.

“The captain asked where you went!” Tilly said. “Yeah I am sure he found something else to worry about.” Tilly stiffened. Michael definitely took that as a hint that there was something there.

“Him and Tyler had a face of, you missed that.” Tilly said. “Tilly, I don’t need to hear about that again.” She really wanted that they could change the topic, preferably something that didn’t involve the captain or Ash, if possible silence would be really nice.

“Everyone is wondering what that was about. But the captain was really upset with him.” Michael shrugged, it was after she had left anyway.

“Well, Tyler did kill doctor Culber.” Michael reasoned. “There are logically several reasons why the captain would be weary of Ash.” Tilly looked up from the bed, where she had buried her head again.

“Why were you dancing with Tyler anyway?” “We separated on friendly terms, there is no reason why I shouldn’t be dancing with him.” “No absolutely not,” Michael was sure that Tilly made eyes, if they had been visible for the pillow she was currently hiding her head in.

————

Michael was the first to arrive for the department head meeting. Captain Pike was already seated at the conference table, and was looking in a not too good mood.

“Captain,” She greeted, taking her seat. “Burnham.” He said. He wasn’t looking at her. She suddenly felt really self-conscious for being alone with him. It was strange she had been alone with him on several occasions. He looked slightly hungover as well. Which was strange as well, as Tilly had divulged that the captain as well had not stayed long.

They sat in a kind of awkward silence for a moment. Michael was uncertain whether it was really an awkward silence or just a silence. But she felt the urge to say something.

“It was good for the crew spirit of the party last night.” Michael said. Her statement must have surprised him, something changed in his face. “Yes, it is. I generally find social outlet to be good for everyone.” He studied her for a moment.

“I am glad you had a pleasant evening then, sir.” She said, looking down on the report from alpha shift, to ensure that she would be up to date when the meeting began.

“Did you have a pleasant evening, Michael?” He then asked, she looked up startled. “Excuse me, sir?” She asked, surprised at the question. “I… “She considered lying, but she could not find a reason to justify that to herself.

“I found it adequate.” She said, not really wanting to talk about it, she could feel her hands getting clammy, and she hoped that she didn’t looked flushed. Why was she having this kind of emotional response to a perfectly reasonable question like that.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked, how could he possibly know that there was something to talk about. “Uhm, no sir, that won’t be necessary." “Okay, I hope that you know that you can always come to me, of the record, if there is something or someone you need to discuss.” “I’ll keep that in mind, sir.”

Thankfully they were interrupted by Saru, who were followed by the other department heads.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. If you like, please leave kudos 🧡


	3. Lunch

The conversation with the captain did nothing to help that burning feeling Michael had in the pit of her stomach. Every time he smiled or made friendly banter with one of the other crewmen, she felt that strange uneasiness.

His perfect smile, the seamless way he interacted with others, his perfectly styled hair. She had an urge to make it all messy… and… that line of thoughts was completely unproductive and quite unprofessional. Not to mention completely of limit, since she was quite certain that Tilly was sleeping with him.

Tilly was sitting in the mess hall, probably preparing for beta shift when Michael joined her. “Shouldn’t you be getting something to eat.” “No, I’m good” Tilly was holding her head with her left hand, and waved with the other hand.

Michael stuck a fork in her eggplant ragout. She was surprised at captain Pike standing with his tray. “Excuse me, would you mind if I joined you?” Tilly looked up, looking shocked. “No, no, of cause not, I mean you can …” She straightened up, Michael didn’t say anything, she took another mouthful and chewed silently.

Pike looked straight towards Michael to see whether she was okay with it. She decided to perhaps finish faster. The captain obviously wanted to talk to ensign Tilly.

“So, Michael, it was an interesting suggestion you had about improving the cycle on the forward shields.” The captain began. Michael looked towards Tilly in a question. The captain had all the details in her report and if he had any specific question, it was highly illogical to bring it up in a busy mess hall.

“I would be logical to change it, sir. To gain unpredictability.” “It is a very novel idear.” He smiled at her. Moving to ensign Tilly “Ensign, you don’t look too fresh this morning, did you have a pleasant party?” Tilly nodded, but didn't stop from moving her food around her plate.

Michael finished her meal. “Well captain, Tilly, if you will excuse me, I’ll let you at it.” She got up. Pike instinctively stood up as well. “Oh, you are leaving so quickly?” “I have finished my meal.” Michael said, looking towards Tilly, who didn’t make any move at all, just looking tired.

“You could stay, and …” He stopped. Michael looked from Tilly towards the captain and back again. Tilly just looked slightly annoyed “... No, I really have to leave…” That sweaty feeling in her palms were back.

She fled out of the mess hall before she betrayed anything.

————

Ash stopped her in the hallway, when she continued he took a hold of her arm. “What was that about?” Ash asked. Michael had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. “What, Ash?” She asked, “I do not know what you are talking about.” “You, running out on me like that at the party.” “I was going for my shift.” She said defensively.

“The captain …” “I don’t want to talk to you about the captain, Ash.” She said. “Well, he did seem awfully invested in our relationship, what did you tell him about me?” “I didn’t, Ash.” She looked him straight in the eyes, and he let her go. She drew her arm back. “I seriously don’t know what you are talking about.” She repeated on, he looked back at her worried.

She went down to the spore drive, leaning herself over the instrument board. She breathed out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding. “Relationship issues?” Reno pulled out from under one of the control board. She looked down, did everyone know of her emotional compromise. “Don’t want to talk about it then. Well it is better than Tilly going on and on.”

“No, it is just.” Michael actually felt it might help talking to someone, “I don’t know what is going on.” She said. Reno dried her hands of in a handkerchief.

“I have that feeling all the time.” She said. “So, both the captain and this Tyler is budding heads over you and generally spurring testosterone all over the place.” “Excuse me?” “I don’t know what you are talking about.” “Everyone else is talking about it.” “What?” “That Tyler and the captain were in a fight over you.” That was the most ridiculous thing Michael had ever heard. The captain was together with Tilly and Tyler had made his choice very clear with L'Rell.

This discussion wasn’t helping, her chest felt constricted and she couldn’t breathe. “Okay, I can see I am not helping here.” Reno was selecting another wrench, and pushing herself under the control board. “I don’t know what Stamets have done with these wirings, no wonder they set out.”

Michael breathed for a moment, centering herself. But she felt her emotional control was slipping. She felt relieved when Reno left for engineering again.

————

She went to help Tilly to help make the diagnostics on the spore drive in the late afternoon.

“You didn’t have to be that rude towards him.” Tilly said. “Excuse me?” Michael was pulling a small test tube to test the air quality in the spore compartments.

Michael had literally no idea what Tilly was talking about. “Who are we talking about?” “Okay okay, that I need to specify that is a lot to unpack, you really need to be nicer to people if I need to specify that.” Michael still had no idea who she was talking about. “The captain, of cause. He looked like a kicked puppy when you left us.”

The clammy hands had returned, her heart began hammering harder. She really didn’t need to talk about the captain right now.

“A puppy with some really nice dimples and …” And she definitely didn’t need Tilly talking about him like that.

“I don’t think I was rude.” She said silently, and Tilly just looked at her like she had said the most ignorant thing. “He wanted to eat lunch with you.” Michael shock her head. “No, he wanted to eat lunch with you, and you weren’t eating anything.” “I had a hangover, okay. Now hand me that test-tube, there must be something in the air making the spores all pink this week.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. If you like, please leave kudos 🧡


	4. What do captains do with their spare time?

The following week Michael was back on alpha shift, while Saru was covering beta shift. She went early, but apparently the captain had the same idea, which meant that he entered the same turbolift as her. “Michael.” He greeted while getting in.

Michael tried to avoid looking at him, while they were alone in the confined space. He looked impeccable as always. He was standing slightly in front of her, so she had a full view of his back. She tried looking slightly in the other direction.

Linus got in on the next deck, she moved slightly to let him in. “Linus.” The captain greeted. “Linus.” Michael looked from Linus to the captain, wondering. “So, Linus, did you see the comet yesterday?” “Yes, it was very beautiful, Saurians have tetrachromacy and I found my perceptual color spectrum very interesting” “I was nice that you enjoyed it.” The captain didn’t say anything.

He walked in his perfect pose into the bridge. No, there was no reason to think that the captain had any interest in her. Why would he, he was the perfect Starfleet captain, perfect career, well perhaps except from his Astro-physics grade in Starfleet.

She was a failure, there was no indication he had any interest in the mutineer. The traitor who started the war. Not to mention, he had barely looked at her twice.

————

He went to the captain’s ready room, When the shift was ending, and Saru took the bridge. “Burnham, a word.” She nodded and followed him. “Of course, captain.” 

“Can I ask you something? Are you okay with Tyler being on the bridge?” 

Michael felt her body stiffen. “I do no longer have any romantically inclined feeling towards specialist Tyler.” “But you used to have?” He asked. “Yes, but it is over and done with.” The captain seemed satisfied at that and Michael saw no further reason why they should continue this conversation. "If you are uncomfortable with him being on the bridge, I can change his station?"

“He is section 31, I thought he had to be on the bridge?” “Yes, but I am the captain, I can decide who I want on my bridge. And if Tyler and you have prior romantic relations, then you would be the logical choice to keep on the bridge, while he would not be." "I refer to your logic on this matter." She said, without reviling any emotion, but softened a little. "But, I truly do not mind Specialist Tyler being on the bride."

“Is that all, sir?” She asked, as calmly as she could, her heart pounding away. “Yes, yes, of course, commander, dismissed.” She turned around going for the door.

————

The captain was having lunch alone two tables away. Detmer, Owo, Tilly and Michael were sitting at their usual table. In Michael’s experience the captain often ate alone, as most crewmen felt in awe and slightly scared of asking to sit at the same table, more than no-one wanted to. There was plenty of tables today, as the bridge crew meeting had been dragging out.

“Do you think the captain has a girlfriend?” Detmer asked taking a sip of her vegetable juice. Owo stopped eating for a moment, looking first towards Michael then Detmer. “I don’t think so,” Tilly said, also looking towards Michael and then Detmer. Michael flushed red, she looked towards Tilly with worry. “We shouldn’t be discussing the captain’s private life, that is … “She held a break. “… Private.” 

She took another bite of her bean stew. “No seriously, how can someone look that good? Maybe he has a boyfriend.” Detmer continued. Tilly stopped. “Okay guys maybe we should discuss something else.” She looked at Michael with a strange look that Michael couldn’t place.

“He looks really lonely.” Owo said dreamily, looking towards the captain, who was reading from his PADD. Michael could feel her palms getting sweaty again. 

The captain had apparently finished with his lunch, Tilly stood up and followed the captain. Michael made an uncomfortable sound. “What is that about?” Detmer asked stared, Michael shrugged and looked down, trying not to think about it.

————

Michael went into her quarters. She needed to pick up her PADD even though it was during her shift.

She had definitely not expected that the captain was there, he was sitting at their common table. He stood up when Michael came in. Michael looked surprised at Tilly and to the captain, “I am so sorry,” She turned around trying to leave. “No no, why are you leaving?” Tilly asked. There were a million reasons in her head why she couldn’t be there. He was not wearing his uniform, but a loose training t-shirt. Tilly was sitting casually on her bed.

“Did I disturb?” She asked, the captain smiled. “No no, we have just finished the test-cards. See…” He pointed at his PADD. “Test cards?” She looked confused, “Talk to you later, Tilly. Michael” Michael gave the captain a long look when he left the room. 

Michael sat down on the bed. “So, are you and the captain?” Tilly began fixing her hair. “What, me and the captain? What?” Michael felt the blood running from her face. “You thought that …?” Tilly almost laughed. “What no no, the captain is helping me preparing for the test. You know the command track entry exam? He is really awesome, and... wait… is that why you have been acting so strange…?” Michael shook her head. “No, just wondering.” She fled the room with her PADD.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. If you like, please leave kudos 🧡


	5. Archaic Gender Practices

Michael was uncertain whether it helped to hear from Tilly that she and the captain didn’t have an affair. It had been uncomfortable, but knowing that Tilly wasn’t together with the captain had been safe. It had been safe to know that the captain was off limits. Now that he wasn’t, that feeling she had was getting even worse. The image of him filing her mind at the most inappropriate times.

She needed to think, she needed to know whether the captain would have any interest in her. But she literately had no idea how find out. She admired how other people found together.

The captain was holding the turbo lift door for her. He gave her one of those smiles that made her palms sweat. She felt her heart race pace up. Realizing she might have a chance, she needed to find out now.

“Ehm, Captain?” She asked. “Yes, is something on your mind commander?” Her mouth was suddenly going dry.

“I…” The words were stuck in her mouth. “Yes, commander?” He looked at her with sharp blue eyes. “Would you like to eat dinner with me, captain?” She said before she could stop herself. That type of thing normally never happened to her, that she would say something so impulsive so … without thinking. She looked down, she was fully expecting a calm let down, her neck feeling sweaty, and she felt unwell. Immediately she regretted it. Why had she exposed herself to this?

“Sure, commander.” He said, studying her. “Any special occasion?” “No, I…” her cheeks felt warm and her palms were perspiring again.

————

“You did what?” “Well maybe he wasn’t getting my romantic intent?” Michael asked. “Oh, I am sure he got the romantic intent.” Tilly made eyes at her. Somehow that was even worse. It was a new emotion to her. She had really wanted this, hadn’t she? Somehow it would have been easier not to have asked, now she had to confront the feeling she had.

“I was wondering, and I know this might inconvenience you…” “I’ll be gone, not to worry, oh my God, I cannot believe that you really asked him out. I’ll find some work, and I won’t be back until really really late… Hold that thought… I can sleep at Owo’s,” Tilly beamed at her. Michael was about to protest that dinner was usually expected to last at maximum a duration of two hours. And that there would be nothing to reason why Tilly would be away than that. She had actually thought that Tilly might not have needed to be away for more than one hour. That would be the time it would take to make her romantic interest in the captain clear to him. Else she would never have suggested the use of their shared quarter for something private.

“I am sure there is no need for you to not be here for that duration, an hour would be …” Tilly stopped her by getting up from the bed in a and waving her hands. “An hour? How will you get to all the sexy delicious stuff with that…” “Tilly, it is just dinner, I am not, as you put it, going to participate in any sexy delicious stuff.” Tilly was rolled her eyes. 

“Trust me, I am sleeping at Owo’s.” Tilly was already packing her pillow and toiletries. “This is so exciting.” She said, her voice going up in a pitch.

Michael was on one hand relieved now that It was clear that Tilly did not harbor any romantic feelings for the captain, and that she apparently was okay with this. However, Michael could not figure out why she was then so terrified.

————

“Captain.” She greeted stiffly as she let him into her room. He was one minute in good time. She tried to smile, but she feeling completely awkward. “Michael.” He looked good, really good, his gray hair was perfect and the way the grey shirt clung to his upper body. Michael stepped back, feeling as if all words were stuck in her throat.

She had used the replicators to prepare a Vulcan meal which she though that he might like. She would have prepared something from the northern American cuisine, but her knowledge of Earth recipes was unfortunately quite limited.

Unlike her, he seemed at ease, “So, where did you hide Tilly? Under the bed?” He asked, “No I doubt that she would be content with that for the duration of dinner.” He chuckled. “No, I guess not.” “I have not experienced that a Star fleet commander and an ensign was assigned to share rooms.”

“When I came here I was a prisoner, and Tilly's room was the only one with an available bed. It is only recently that I was reinstated with my rank. Couldn’t you read that in the official report?” “Yes, but I wanted to hear the story from you.” He took a bite from his dish. Michael was getting impatient, she wanted to talk to him, but it felt as if he was he only one that kept the conversation running.

“You know this is pretty good.” He said as he spiked another vegetable with his fork. Her heart was racing as she moved her left hand a little close to his, before she regretted and pulled it back again.

If it was true what Tilly had said about the captain being aware of her romantic intentions, shouldn’t this be easier? Then he might be interested too.

He was lightheadedly telling of the wonders of his last five years mission, and she nodded and began relaxing.

“Well, Michael, it was a very pleasant dinner,” He said as they both had finished. “I am glad that the meal was welcome, captain.” She said, feeling even fore helpless, wondering what she was supposed to do now. “You know, when we are not in uniform you can call me Chris.”

“I’ll try, sir.” He was suppressing a laugh as he helped her tidy up after dinner.

“Michael, it was a delight as always.” He said, as he made his move to leave. Michael desperately wanted him to stay. She wanted him to spend the night, she ached to feel his body against her own. But she had no words to stop him. “Likewise.” Just before leaving he stopped as if there was something he had forgotten and was suddenly just now remembering.

“I hope that we can do something like this again, Michael.”

————

Afterwards Michael did not know whether she was extremely disappointed or relieved that Tilly’s prophecy of the evening did not hold true. But if she had thought she would not be forced into a lengthy description of the events of the evening, she was extremely mistaken.

“It did seem like a dinner between two friends.” Michael said, Tilly shock her head in frustration. A gesture, which Michael found to be completely unfair.

“He is being a gentleman.” Tilly said, throwing her toiletries on her bed. “I am not sure that he would partakes in any such archaic practices of gender practices.” Tilly rolled her eyes. “I am leaving.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. If you like, please leave kudos 🧡


	6. The Captain’s Quarters

Michael had thought that the strange fluttering in her chest and her clammy hands, would have improved after the dinner with the captain. She, however, felt even more emotionally compromised than before.

Should she ask the captain out again? He had indicated that another invite would not be unwelcome. However, if Tilly was wrong, and Tilly had sometimes had a tendency to over exaggerate this type of thing. Maybe she should wait on the captain to make a move.

She could not make herself do any more at this time. She looked at him, perfect, larger than life. Maybe he was just above them. The perfect captain. A father figure that would lead by example. The problem when she saw his smile, and his self confidence. He definitely did not feel like a father figure to her.

She felt tense, when he later in the afternoon once again entered the turbo lift she was occupying.

“Captain.” She said very stiffly. He looked slightly amused. “Burnham.” She flinched and tried to not hold her breath, her hands were opening and closing. Michael counted the second before he would get out and she could breathe again. His overwhelming presence and the smell that was him, filling her.

He then suddenly looked at her. She tried to breathe again, but her chest was tight. Hopefully he couldn’t see her discomfort.

“Computer, halt turbo lift, override code Pike delta rho epsilon sigma.” The turbo lift came to a halt. She didn’t say anything while he studied her for a moment.

“Michael, are you okay?” He asked. She shook her head. “I…” She said, the words were stuck in her throat. She wanted to say no.

He stepped closer to her as if he was looking for something in her eyes. “You seem distracted?” He said. She sank, “I am …” Feeling her cheeks growing red. He moved a little back.

“Listen, Michael, I wanted to ask you something.” She felt her hands shake. “I am aware that there is a power difference in our relationship, so I need to make sure you are okay with everything before we proceed.” He studied her calmly.

“I … sir… I do not understand.” He stroked his face with his hand, clearly trying to find something to say.

“Are you uncomfortable with me?” He asked bluntly, She didn’t know whether she should say yes. She definitely was. “Sir, I am, but you don’t understand.” She said. “I want to have intercourse with you.” She blurted out. There it was said.

Captain Pike looked dumb-folded, he opened his mouth and closed it again without saying anything. Michael was really beginning to regret her exclamation.

“… okay.” He said tentatively after a good minute. Michael’s heart was pounding even harder. Her hands began to cramp.

“That was very direct.” He finally said. She was still uncertain whether he in any way found this highly inappropriate.

“I am so sorry,” Michael said and looked down, not daring to look him in the eyes again. This was clearly an extreme mistake. The captain was probably mortified, she knew that she would be had the roles been reversed.

Then, before she could request a transfer to another ship, he had closed the space between them. He first kissed her carefully, cubbing her cheek with one hand. She moved towards him as well, deepening the kiss.

She leaned into him, while he moved his other hand into the small of her back. She opened her mouth and invited him in.

He finally let her go. “Okay, I think we should free up the turbo lift again. But maybe we can continue this in my quarters. “She nodded “Yeah.” He moved away from her. “1900?” He asked carefully. She nodded, her heart went crazy and her shaking intensified.

“Restart turbo lift, override code Pike delta rho epsilon sigma.” He said. He moved a little in the opposite direction of her when Commander Saru stepped into the lift. “Captain! Michael!” He greeted, they both nodded. Michael could have sworn that captain Pike also blushed.

————

Michael was standing nervously outside the captain’s quarter for a moment before finally gaining the courage to knock.

He let her in, “You look beautiful.” He said looking at her short green dress, He looked amazing as well. He had prepared dinner for them. She moved into him just as the door closed. Not saying anything. He kissed back surprised. “Whoa, Michael slow down.” She pushed him towards his bedroom, “I don’t want to slow down.” He followed, kissing her on the neck, moving his hands around her back, “Okay.” He said weakly, as she wriggled his shirt over his head.

She had definitely waited too long for this, she just hoped he would be okay with it. He pulled at her dress and tried to unzip it. She helped as she could. She pushed him unto his bed moving on top of him. She pushed down his slacks and underwear.

His body responding to her advances. She was already wet, and struggled for a moment to get rid of her underpants, before mounting him. He appeared to have problems knowing what to do with his hands. He opened and closed them a couple of times, before moving them up to uncaps her bra.

It encouraged her, to move away from her own nervousness that he struggled and failed. She smiled. She moved up to sitting position on top of him, before unclasping her bra for him, and threw it on the floor.

She kissed him again. He moved his hand to to her klit, rubbing it in circular motions Before she guided him inside her, filing her completely, she gasped. He held her hips, looking like couldn’t really believe she was there.

He was becoming completely undone, his hand was teasing her while she was doing it. Sending her over the cliff. She began riding him in steady pulses, He began moving together with her, he moved up and kissed her on the neck as be came into her, he panted for a moment before caressing her left cheek. “You are amazing, Michael.” He said.

She slid of him, and placed herself on his chest. Smiling comfortable at him. 

“So you got what you wanted.” He said, with a smile. “Would you also like to stay for dinner?” She tried to contain a laugh. “I would love to have dinner with you Chris.” She said and kissed him on the mouth again.

Michael felt at ease for the first time since captain Pike had first come aboard the Discovery. 

————  
Fin  
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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. If you like, please leave kudos 🧡


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